Getting a little fed up..

I thought my fingers going numb is enough to annoy me but now my right hand has just completely gone stupid daily tasks are just becoming even more of a struggle. I have now started having the same problems with my left hand and if that goes well I am stuck. I just can't grip well at all and have to use my splint to help. 

I had always had trouble walking fast because of my weakness in the legs and the other day I stayed round my best friends house and fell because my knees and legs just went on me and I grazed my leg pretty badly. I have then fallen I've again and gone to fall. 

So now my legs are being a pain I've got to go to the hospital to get some crutches as they don't want me to fall more and also I am already seeing a physiotherapist there. 

It's just horrible really because these side effects have just put my body in a horrid state. I thought I was doing ok and went to church a few times and now I know I can't anymore because of my body. It's just becoming a daily struggle to do anything. Even dressing is hard because I can't grip my clothes properly. I just pray and hope this all goes away soon!!!!

it's just scary knowing my legs can go anytime and I don't feel it go! 

I am currently staying at my grandparents until Thursday and yesterday I was called to come to St. Peter's to repeat my bloods because my potassium levels were high. Luckily this was just a mistake in the lab and it showed a normal reading the second time. But that took hours as I had to be checked out and stuff. 

I am trying my hardest to think ahead to my amazing holiday wish next year but in the meantime I am 18 and I feel 81! 

I have been using my grandad a  walking stick as well to keep me steady. I just feel rubbish in general because of this. 

I just want to know the recovery time because they never say everything gets 100% better which isn't reassuring at all. 

I want to be working in child care again but I can't if I have a hand that doesn't work and my muscles don't work. I finish in October so I can only see from then what's happening and I may ask the doctor too as it is making me down.

I just feel strange because they say the cancer has gone but I feel I am suffering way more with this than the symptoms I had with the cancer. 

hmmm we shall see..

I've got two weekends of family parties so I hope I will get my crutches by then. 

I am looking forward to Sunday as I am meeting some family I've never seen or not seen for years. 

Also only one good thing is actually making me stay happy is my hair seems to be growing! :)